


No Room for Pretenders

by RejuvinationLily



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbiam, Smut, Timeskip, Trauma related to objectification, defy industrial patriarchy. become indestructibly thirsty, featuring a small tortle friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:07:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28721889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RejuvinationLily/pseuds/RejuvinationLily
Summary: The world is not about what Chisato wants. But she will want nonetheless.
Relationships: Hikawa Hina/Shirasagi Chisato
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning for body horror imagery, and mild trauma related to misogyny, objectification and lesbophobia.
> 
> This ship is very close to my heart for a lot of reasons. I hope you enjoy reading this fic.
> 
> \---INCEST SHIPPERS DO NOT INTERACT---

_tap, tap_

Chisato's lived most of her life with the misfortune of knowing mens' desires.

_tap-tap_

"..."

...She looks to the corner of the room. Hina's still using her shower. Wordlessly, thoughtlessly, she sits on the bed and watches her hand open a page on her phone's browser.

_tap_

"..."

She's learned men will express many thoughts they could not otherwise, when given an anonymous veil. Sometimes it's a tongue-in-cheek joke, about an object's resemblance to certain body parts, or the way a spoken line in an actor's performance could be 'interpreted'. Sometimes it's a brash, unsanitary craving, directed at a fictional (or non-fictional) person. And sometimes, it's much, much worse. Sometimes it'll be a fantasy, extended or no, that the poster wishes he could fulfill regarding the 'girl of his dreams'. Regarding, in non-pseudonym terms, the target of his lust. 

Often regarding her. 

_...tap, tap_

She's not one of a kind - she knows that numbingly well by now. It's a frequent consolation prize in her industry, even, to be reassured that these fantasies are just that - fantasies. Feasted-upon thoughts that, according to the hurriedly waved hands of one producer, aren't reflective of any fan at all - not even those who create them. They're just inherent to the culture every idol lives in. They're just idle posts to be ignored, knives in the metaphorical gut that will probably never materialize and reach their targets' throats. As if their fictional texture makes them any less bitter to the objects of their desire.

She was 12 years old when she first saw a post like that. It wasn't about her. The same unfortunately couldn't be said for the next at age 15, after an innocuous voice acting gig that for some reason caught more peoples' imaginations than it should have - then there were 5 more, and more, then more once she hit the 'acceptable' age. The more it dawned on her what they were saying, the more their words crept into her head, until it formed a festering little worm that'd slither through her brain's folds never-endingly. After that, she sometimes dreamt in shackles. Dreamt without any limbs. Dreamt beheaded. 

_tap_

If only she could've blocked those posts from her mind, like she can nowadays. It would've done wonders for her complexion.

"Coming out☆!"

She looks up. On the wall near the bathroom is a line of party flags spelling '♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHISATO ♪', decorated with her 4 bandmates' signatures and the attempted signatures of several others. It's celebrating the same thing as the website she's looking at.

This is the only egosearch she never quite kicked the habit of. Today, at age 19... that'll change.

Chisato closes the tab for the last damn time in her life, as Hina strides into the room with nothing but a towel for cover. Hina's hair looks positively unkempt when soggy and loose, but there's no mistaking those golden eyes or that lively grin. It makes for a sight that Chisato can't help but enjoy, letting her distance herself from the murk her mind was just in. "I see you've still got plenty of energy."

"Today's an entire day for celebrating you~. Why wouldn't I?"

There's a 'thlump' next to her onto the bed. She can't help but chuckle as Hina wraps around her shoulders, arms warm and freshly dried, that mop of moist hair perched comfily into the crook of her neck. "Considering the mayhem you've caused today, I was hoping a shower would make you sleepier."

"It's not my fault Aya fainted! Blame the mantis for that~," Hina grins. "And why would showers tire me out? They make me zappin'. I'm all refreshed now."

"Oh dear. That's bad news for me," Chisato hums. "...To be honest, I wish showers made me feel the same way."

"Hmm. What about the bath? Since you've got it now, you might as well try it."

"Well... it's rather slow, in comparison. Though perhaps I should indulge in having one anyway."

"Give it a go sometime~," Hina says. "Oh, oh, speaking of the bath - I never noticed this thing sittin' there until now☆!"

She gets up and shows Chisato a hollow, fully intact conch shell. It's clean to the point of shimmering - perfect for decoration. "Ah, that little souvenir."

"Where'd you get it from~?"

"My sister got it for me from one of her summer holidays. I've grown rather fond of it."

"Nice to meet you, bud!" Hina takes a look inside. "Oh, there's nothing there."

"...What made you think there'd be a creature inside a souvenir shell?"

She laughs. "Come to think of it, you're right. You'd hate that!"

Chisato's response comes halfway between a chuckle and a sigh. The fact that she finds this side of Hina charming is, well... she's not quite sure what's happened to her tastes in recent years. Or her self-restraint. Or the solitude that used to characterize her contemplation upon the world at large, for that matter. Several things have changed since the band slingshotted this wondrous comet into her life.

"Oooo, come to think of it," Hina juggles the shell, "can't we play music with this?" 

"If you cut a hole into the spire, yes," Chisato responds. "But I'd rather you didn't."

"Ehhhhhhh? Whyyyy?"

She giggles at Hina's playful tugging. "As I've said, I've grown rather fond of it."

"So?"

"It's just... sentimentality. I don't like the idea of cutting into it. No doubt my sister wouldn't either."

"Your sister..." Hina ponders. "...Ahaha~! It's just a shell. Still, I get it - guess if it's your friend, then it's mine too."

"Perhaps we'll consider the instrument idea at a later date."

"What if I put Setsuna inside it for now?"

She balks. "The tortoise plushie Sayo gave you?"

"Yeah!"

Chisato snorts at the idea of that thing's little smiling face inside a double layer of shells. "Go right ahead."

"Boppin~! I'll bring her over next time I'm here."

Hina sings and hums contentedly, reverberating little echoes of happiness into Chisato. She follows her impulses and strokes Hina's hair with her hand, keeping her girlfriend close in the privacy of her quiet, moonlit room. For better or worse, she's never had a dull moment in her life since they confessed to each other.

"...Sister, huh..."

"Is something on your mind?"

"Hm?" Hina blinks at her like a cute, lean dog. "Oh, I was just thinking. You're considerate about your sis a lot, aren't you?"

Another giggle. "That's rather amusing to hear coming from you."

"Oh, I love Sayo tons. But I think I took her for granted before meeting you."

"...What on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"Ahahaha☆!"

Of course, no response. Chisato smiles. "You're not even the slightest bit exhausted, are you?"

"Obviously not! We're all alone now, aren't we?" Hina leaps up - fortunately for Chisato's temperance, the bathrobe doesn't fall off. "It's still your birthday, so let's think of something special to do - just the two of us."

"I'd love that," she responds. "As fun as it is to celebrate with everyone, I want every private moment I can get with you."

"Boppin'! Hmm... how about we watch one of your old movies? Oh, or we could play Snipperclips on the golden Switch Kokoro got for me, or we could draw together using one of those online websites, or-"

"H-Hina," she sweats. "Perhaps we could do something a little more relaxing?"

"Isn't drawing supposed to be relaxing?"

"I... you're asking the wrong person, and you know it. I got a migraine from trying to draw you when you modelled nude on the couch."

"Well, that's why I thought it'd be fun to watch you try again~."

Another giggle escapes her. "I should've known."

Hina giggles with her.

"You little daredevil. You're enjoying my reactions, aren't you?"

"Isn't that obvious?" Hina gives her a sly, heart-racing grin. "Every moment my eyes're on you, I go all whooshin'."

"Perhaps I ought to see how that feels."

Maybe it's the little pieces of adrenaline, flowing in her. Maybe it's the opportunity to have Hina all to herself. Maybe it's the fun she had earlier today, snaking its way back into her and devising how to ignore the duties of tomorrow. Whatever the reason, she's craving a bit of indulgence - and Hina is making it all too easy to ignore the many Chisatos inside, telling her to go to sleep.

Because she's feeling just a bit too mischievous for that~.

"Chisato? What're you getting out from your bag?"

"Hmhmhmm~." 

A certain tortoise plushie is fished out. "Eh?!?!" Hina's jaw drops. "When'd Setsuna get in there?"

"I'm surprised you forgot. You brought her along for the party, but you didn't even take her out. So I thought I'd keep her company instead."

"No fair! That means she's been hanging out with you more than I have today!"

"And somehow, I involved her in just as many antics as you would," she says. "Want her back?"

"Yes please!"

Hina reaches out-

-and the plushie disappears. "...Huh? Where'd you just put it?" Hina's eyes gleam instantly. "You did that so fast☆! Where'd it go, where'd it go?"

"Who knows~?"

"No faiiirrrr!"

Chisato chuckles as she feels Hina's arms beggingly wrap around her. "You'll just have to find out where I hid it."

"Gimme a hint~."

She hasn't felt this merry in a while~. "Couldn't you easily solve this without a hint?"

"Do I have to?"

"You'd figure it out too easily otherwise."

"Hmmm... so, you want me to be surprised by where it's at?"

Chisato presses herself against Hina's bathrobe. "Exactly."

"Then... where...?"

Goodness. When'd she become such a hedonist for this kind of thing? She can feel the grin begging to surface as Hina's eyes dart for an answer.

"...Hey, Chisato. I've got a problem."

"What is it?"

"See, I really like hugging you... but I also wanna zap around this room for Setsuna. And I don't wanna let go of you while I do~."

"Well, no need to haul me around like you did in the studio today," she says. "You won't have to search far to find her."

"Ahahaha~! What's that's supposed to mea-"

-there it is. Oh, there it is.

_That's_ the expression she was looking for.

"You didn't."

"Oh, I did~."

"You _didn't,_ " Hina says, her teeth in full gleam with a grin even more energized than Chisato's.

"Go on, Hina. Why not find it?"

Chisato leans herself right against Hina, holding her by the shoulders, brushing their cheeks together. Her mind emptied, she weaves a request into her girlfriend's ear:

"Explore me."

"..."

For a moment, there's only their breaths.

...Then Hina giggles enthusiastically.

Chisato feels a shiver down her spine, chuckling in satisfaction as Hina slips a loving (and delightfully cold) hand beneath her shirt, fingers brushing her bare midriff. "You know," Hina whispers, "you can always just ask if you want me to touch you."

"I can't be as brazen as Hina Hikawa."

Hina leans back for a moment. "Why not? Isn't it enough to want it?"

"I wish every part of me agreed," she responds, snaking a hand around Hina's hip. "Then nothing would stop me from indulging in you."

"That so~."

Hina merrily continues her 'search', combing Chisato's back at a pace that makes it abundantly clear what she's _really_ craving right now. Even after Hina removes the innocent plushie from the inside of Chisato's shirt and drops it to the floor, she doesn't stop. Chisato gets to relish in every rhythmic breath they relay, as her mind focuses on nothing but where Hina's fingers are - how they're moving, how fast they're moving, how many times they run over her skin, from the blade to the hip and back - every mannerism of those gleeful hands, fueled to the brim with Hina's heart-throbbing, devilish energy. Novel or not, Chisato knows she'll eat these sensations right up, every single time she gets to feel them.

"That's my thigh you're holding, y'know," Hina sings. "Am I really that tempting☆?"

A chuckle. "How about I answer that a different way?"

She guides Hina to the bed, sitting herself down. When Hina perches atop the sheets next to her, she presses a spot on Hina's neck with her finger, then gestures to her own teeth with that same finger. 

...Hina recognizes what's being asked and nods fervently.

She sinks herself in.

"A-ah~!"

"Mm..." 

It's delicious. There's nothing as satiating and insatiable as the delighted moan she hears when she bites. It makes her heart beat faster, makes her breaths come faster, makes her desires soar even more. She bites again, and again, and again - more, more and more. All of Hina's skin, all of it... she wants all of it. The peak where her fangs are deep inside Hina, beyond her own thoughts - she needs it.

She can't tell how many minutes have passed by the time she relents, breathing for air, looking at the mess she's made. "...I could leave fifty marks like this... all over your collar... and it still wouldn't be enough..."

"W-Wow... I didn't realise I was that boppin'..."

She hungers. She wants to forget. She wants to forget everything else in her head. Nothing else matters aside from the two of them. In the privacy of their own room, their desires should be all that's there. Hina's starstruck, panting face is the only thing she wants to see. "Want to do more?"

"...You're okay with it?"

Chisato nods.

Hina gently takes her wrist. Her back meets the soft, welcoming bedsheets, and her front meets Hina. The bathrobe's slipped off, leaving Hina's naked body pressing against her shirt. When she lifts her arms up and wraps them around, there's nothing but Hina.

When her lips dive in, there's nothing but Hina.

"Mm..."

She doesn't know how long she keeps their mouths locked, and she doesn't care. So long as Hina's enjoying it too, they can do this for as long as they want - she knows they've both got the stamina for it. Lord knows where she got that stamina, but may all lords shudder at how sinfully she'll use it. 

"Mm..."

Hina moans, and Chisato moans.

She can't get enough. There's a switch that just _flips_ when she has Hina to herself. She doesn't know when it got like this. Maybe it's when she realised there was an empty closet near the staff conference room nobody uses. Maybe it's when she realised she could set boundaries. Maybe it's when she started truly processing just what Hina's feeling when she stares at Chisato with her lips curled up, her brow afloat and her eyes half-closed - when she stared at Chisato in that way when they were sitting on the couch together with nothing but the TV to illuminate Hina's seductive face. Maybe it's when she realised she was starting to stare at Hina like that too.

Hina finally, finally lets go - and then gets pulled in for more.

More. More, more, more - Chisato lets their hands wander, explores Hina's bare skin, feels one of her legs being locked as Hina keeps one hand on the sheets beside Chisato's hair and the other on Chisato's hip, playing slowly and excruciatingly with her skirt.

"...ah..."

She almost wants to lunge back up when Hina lets go again. But her mind has another sensation to fixate on now. Hina's finger is close, close, very, very close to something aching inside... right on top of her thigh, wanting to pull her clothes down all the way. "...You can do it," she says. "I... I want it."

Hina looks at her, calmly and clearly. "You sure?"

She nods.

So Hina starts to move.

Her head's swimming. This'll be their first time... it's making her heartbeat reach a tempo faster than any solo Hina's fingers could make, as her skirt is pulled down. She starts feeling things she didn't even know she could feel, starts having sensations she'd only hear of in hushed whispers from her mischievous friends, or the suggestive novels Aya reads during her break. They're sensations she didn't know just how much she wanted, until she realised that somewhere, deep inside, they were still lurking. Beneath the murk, beneath the lost innocence. Chisato feels like she can forget everything as Hina makes the first step towards another boppin' part of their lives-

-And then she remembers, and it all falls down.

The hand stops. "Chisato?"

...Chisato's frozen. 

Not out of shock, or fear - but emptiness. 

She can feel her excitement drain away, her longing sucked into an unrelenting void that eats at her body too. Suddenly, she blinks, and asks herself one simple question:

Why does she want this?

She's not supposed to want this.

Her head shrivels. For starters, she's supposed to be broken - she's had her perception of sex torn to shreds and replaced with the gravure image on a magazine. She can't feel any intimacy. She can't have any pure, undiluted understanding of it. She's empty. No matter what she learns, she'll probably never know how it feels to truly cherish the feeling of Hina's body 'making love' with hers. She's supposed to have been hollowed out by all those damned fantasies.

And not only that - she's an idol. One with a reputation. She's not supposed to be doing this, not even in private. She could put herself in danger, put Hina in danger - not the merry, exciting kind, but the kind where you're left with nothing but the folded hands of an executive who now wants a better deal somewhere else. One person of many who'll have more authority over Chisato's life than she ever will herself, who care more about what her fans think than what she does. They want the fans to be satisfied, to be entertained - even the lesbophobic lowlives who'll only find entertainment once they imagine her organs laid bare on the table-

"Chisato?"

-because that's what's important, that's what's normal, that's what needs to be considered at every waking moment, even if what's done to satiate it is something that takes her fabric head and tosses it into a river, leaving only her pure, clean, unstained body to be imaginarily ruined in every single way humanly and inhumanly possible, like images and images and images on a board with page after page after page, faces and voices and whispers and faces adding more and more fuel to the fire, any scenario they can conceive, any angle they can find, any texture they could imagine the flesh having-

"Chisato!"

She blinks.

Of course, all of that is gone the second she realises her eyes are still open. She's breathing of her own free will.

The world is not that cruel - at least, not as cruel as she imagines it to be. It doesn't relieve you with utter despair... no, it keeps you constantly perched on a hill above, only dragging you all the way down if you roll an unlucky enough number in someone's lottery of taboo. Most of her life, if not all of it, will live free from the scenarios her mind manifests. It's nothing but a whispering fear, a subtly malicious influence. And that should relieve her - sure, it'll always run the ink on her contracts a bit, and leave a few stains upon the stages which her band performs at, but it'll never truly harm her or make demands of her. She can adapt. She can work around it. She might even be able to cleave it - just like she's always done with the minefield that is her job, just like she's realised she can do so much more now that Hina is at her side.

...

...If only the back of her mind could understand that.

"You okay?"

Chisato shakes her head.

"Wanna stop?"

Chisato nods.

Hina rolls over and kicks back on the bed beside Chisato, pulling the duvet over them both. "Want a hug?"

Chisato turns onto her side and nods.

She feels Hina embrace her. She welcomes it. If she had enough emotion, she might even say she's desperate for it. Just that warm body, that lovely smile - it's a balm on her numbness, if not her woes. "How're you feeling?"

"...Tired." She rests against Hina's chest. "It wasn't you. An image just flashed into my brain."

Hina realises Chisato isn't moving at all, evidently - because she makes sure she's holding Chisato very gently. "I think you mentioned this before. Do you remember when we were bored, and we tried watching that Hollywood romcom movie, and you had to switch it off at that really bad makeout scene?"

She nods. It's fresh in her mind - because she started wondering if she'd ever have to act that kind of scene herself in the future. "There are some kinds of performances I no longer wish to give."

"If they asked you to, would you refuse?"

"Yes. I don't think I could bear accepting it anymore."

"That's good," Hina sings. "If you hate the idea that much, I don't ever wanna see you in a romance movie again."

"...Not unless the other lead's you."

Hina giggles. "Yeah, yeah."

Silence, for a moment. She wishes she could destroy the worm in her head. She hates it. "...I'm sorry..."

"It's not like you to apologize," Hina whispers. "If it doesn't make you feel boppin', you shouldn't do it. That's why you stopped, right?"

She breathes. "I... I liked it, Hina. I wanted it. But..."

"...It was all iffy, right?" Hina fills in the silence. "Think of it like we always do - if it makes some parts of you feel boppin', and others un-boppin', then you sum 'em up and figure out the total."

...She can't help but smile at that. "You make it seem so simple."

"That's because it is~!" Hina smiles. "Get some rest, okay? I'll give you a boppin' cushiony hug."

She accepts the embrace and tucks herself in, closing her eyes. "...Don't move, Hina. Let me stay here."

"Gotcha~." A kiss on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, Chisato☆."

She doesn't know when she became this selfish. She doesn't know how it happened.

But she knows why. And deep inside that unmoving body, a part of her slowly grits her teeth and decides...

...She won't let it go.


	2. Chapter 2

3 years have passed since.

_drip, drip_

It turns out, baths indeed are more relaxing. The way she normally approaches hygiene is to be efficient - to get the headache out of the way and become her presentable self as quickly as possible. In contrast, the alternative she's using right now is gradual and laid-back. It almost feels like an insult to the image she's polished all her life. 

But the fact that she's taken to a routine of it (...on the weekends, granted) is proof enough that it calms her. For one last moment, she lets herself sink into the water until it meets her chin... hearing only her relieved sigh.

"..."

...

...Age 22. Chisato gets up, letting the water flow down her arms. Her eyes gaze across the rim of the tub until they fall upon the conch shell in the corner. She smiles - it's gotten a little dirtier with time, but that's only endeared her to it more. Having Setsuna's little ' **c:** ' poking out from the inside certainly helps... although she's a bit worried about how much moisture that plushie's getting exposed to. Perhaps she ought to add it to the laundry cycle.

After drying her body and brushing her hair, she wraps the towel around herself and peeks out of the bathroom, spying Hina lying upon the bed with a phone in hand. Years have passed, times have changed - and yet the two of them still have this place to call home.

All to themselves.

...

"...Oh, not again..."

Her heartbeat's already accelerating, isn't it? Just like her mind is. Her body's warm too, and red is whispering all the way up to her cheeks. She stays in the bathroom for a moment, protecting her view from the eye candy that is somehow Hina Hikawa in a casual, normally clothed state. For someone whose career has progressed as predictably as she assumed, Chisato's... definitely had a lot of changes occur in her life, over these past few years. 

First and foremost - her 19th birthday wasn't the last time she egosearched that accursed website. It was the 3rd-last. She truly managed to end it on her 20th. And even after that triumph, the images never quite left her. They could sneak uncomfortably into her head at the worst of times, reminding her of how there are people out there in the world who see her in ways she'd prefer to save herself the insanity of pondering upon. True, she may be able to shrug them off rather easily now, but that doesn't change the fact they've become permanent residents in her brain - in much the same way their origins are still residents in her industry. In much the same way she still is.

With all that in mind, she thought she'd be entering her early twenties weary of desire. She and Hina still haven't even _had_ sex - their intimacy's continued to hover, at the same modest (albeit amorous) level it was 3 years ago, yet to break through the barrier of worms in Chisato's head that festers at their closest. For a while, she was fully expecting the moment to come where she'd just... give up, on trying to go any further. Hina was perfectly fine with the idea when they discussed it. A future of still peace, where the actor's weary clean body is laid to a chaste rest, accepting abstinence for the foreseeable future... that is exactly what Chisato Shirasagi was expecting after all she's seen.

That did not turn out to be the case. 

In fact, she is monstrously horny.

"Hmm-hmm-hmmhmm☆."

She quakes. Rather than chaste, she's gone from tempered to insatiable, in spite of it all. Hell, spite only enables her - if the world's the Sahara Desert, then Hina is an endless oasis. 

Even now, she thirsts. One of her fingers is wavering near her thigh... when did she get like this? Why is there a part of Chisato who yearns, _craves_ for contact? 

"Hmmmmm☆..."

...Okay, she NEEDS to control herself, now. She's not an actor if she can't at least feign composure.

Hina gives her a merry smile as she walks out. "You took longer than you normally do☆."

"Isn't that the point of using the bath?"

"Hehe! That's a boppin' response~."

She doesn't have any trouble subduing her lust - thank god for that, at least. But deep inside, staring at Hina and hearing her stardust lilt makes a piece of Chisato's heart howl for rebellion. It howls, howls, and howls - howls for affection, howls for the removal of her brakes, howls and howls and howls against the society that salivates for a heteronormative woman instead. And of course, the star of its affections has to be the least heteronormative woman she knows - the one who's stayed with her through thick and thin. It howls - how could you possibly resist kissing her smile with your own?

She completely agrees. It's just...

...she doesn't know for certain it's her _own_ desire, does she? "Honestly. I find it hard to believe everything I do is boppin' to you." She sits next to Hina. "What're you reading?"

"Another article." Hina holds up the phone. "It's like you said. Album sales're going down, everyone says we're past our prime - makes me feel sorry for Aya."

The sigh escapes her. "...I think even she knows it's inevitable at this point. Most idols are discarded once they're old enough."

"Because it makes us lose THOSE kinda audiences, right? Good riddance to them, at least." Hina lies on her back. "So the band'll be over soon... man, what's that even gonna look like?

"Our work will branch into other industries, I imagine."

"Booooring! All the boppin' stuff the five of us did together, and money ends up mattering more." Hina pouts, before getting up and looking at Chisato. "I dunno about you, but I'll be glad we're swooshin' away from the staff if that's all they cared about."

"...As usual, you've got quite the positive spin on it."

"Well, that's because I don't have tons of other producers to answer to," she says. "What about you? How're things on your end?"

"My career will be as it ever was, regrettably." Chisato responds, looking at the stars shining through the window. "This band is the only place in my job that's ever felt like home."

"Well, it's not like we're saying goodbye. We'll still be Boppin' Buds beyond Pastel*Palettes!"

She chuckles - or at least tries to. "True. But it does mean we'll see a lot less of each other. I hate to admit it, but I'll probably go from objecting against Eve's hugs to missing them every day."

"You're gonna ask everyone about their schedules and locations, right?"

"Of course. I want every opportunity I can to be with you all. Even in the future."

"Let's go a little further than that~."

...She looks at those golden eyes.

"The band matters, right? We're lucky enough to have bought this place for the two of us, but at this rate we'll still be a lot more distant from Maya, n' Aya, n' Eve. I was thinking we could push ourselves into sharing acting gigs and stuff - all the collab stuff the long-time fans wanna keep seeing!"

Ah.

It's this feeling again. Her stiffness is easing.

Every suggestion made by Hina takes a level of effort only she can easily achieve. But the way she always speaks of her ideas - it makes everyone else want to try too. That's the essence of 'boppin', from Chisato's point of view.

It's the exact feeling that stopped her from giving up on her dreams.

"Eh? Chisato?"

She wraps her arms around this lovable carousel of a person, brushing her hands against Hina's coat and resting her face into it. "You're always thinking one step ahead, aren't you?"

"Really?" Hina holds her in return. "I think that's my line."

"It was. I won't deny I like to be prepared," Chisato says. "But I've always focused on the present. You feel more like the future."

"Well, it's because of you that I'm taking the future seriously."

_ba-thump_

She blinks, as Hina lifts her chin until their eyes meet. "You know me. I always chase what's boppin'," Hina says. "But I used to just... forget about stuff when it stopped interesting me. Even if it'd start being boppin' again later."

"...And I changed that?"

"You're a lot more stubborn than I am, y'know? When the people you care about start feeling down, you do everything you can to make sure they're swishin' again, instead of sitting back and waiting. I only do stuff like that on a whim, compared to you." Hina smiles. "That's why I wanna make an extra push too. I wanna be stubborn about the things I love. Especially if it means you don't have to be stubborn alone."

"I..."

Her face is already red again. Despite her best efforts, she can't help but smile.

"...I-I don't think I've done anything all that special. When was the last time you saw me console someone like Maya?"

"I remember a few times! And besides, you're more about blockin' people from the errugghy stuff, rather than cheering them up directly. Pretty much everyone in the band's got their own way of helping out!"

"Fufu. Yours being?"

"The boppin' stuff, obviously." Hina smirks. "Especially with you. Look at what we're doing right now☆."

Chisato sighs. Before she knows it, she's already moved as close as she can.

The problem with Hina is that she's too perceptive for her own good. With her lack of filter, she'll say all kinds of things that carry at least a slither of truth, whether you like it or not. Isn't it unfair that you can't even object when she smiles at you?

What a devilishly unfair person. "You..."

Too unfair. 

Too easy to indulge in.

Chisato is parched. She wants to drink - it's something neither herself nor the worm in her head is capable of changing. So she takes Hina's lips, for the thousandth time, and feels like it's still the first.

When she parts, her girlfriend's eyes are alight - stars in Chisato's sky. "Whoa☆..."

"...You really do think everything I do is 'boppin', don't you?"

"Yup☆."

Chisato chuckles. "What a coincidence. I find it delightful to watch you too."

And then she leans in again.

"That's the reason I started falling in love with you~."

Warmth.

To her, Hina is unspeakably warm. Even when there's nothing but the bathrobe and moisture to cover her, she'll stop shivering the second she feels Hina's embrace. She feels those hands rest on her back, and knows she's already free again. These moments - only the two of them will ever share it.

It's so, so warm.

"Mmmhmhm~."

Hina sings as they kiss, and her heart's ignited. She pushes Hina down to the covers, craving everything that's her, meeting her lips again and again and again, keeping herself wrapped around those welcoming arms, wrapping her own arms around that shapely back. She wants to be close - she wants Hina to be close, dare she say. The fact that Hina only spurs her further doesn't help - there's no way it'd ever be possible to let go when she sees that confident smirk in-between each and every kiss.

"...mmah..." Hina breathes. "More."

"You're insatiable," she pants.

"Look who's talking."

She shuts her up then and there. There's a thrill to pressing herself down on Hina - the woman who can't be shackled by anything.

That's why it only works for 5 seconds more. "Having fun~?"

"I," Chisato kisses her, then kisses her again, then responds, "can't stop myself."

Then she kisses Hina again- "Why's that?"

.

...

...Chisato lifts herself up. 

"Whoa. Guess that's a tough question. You feelin' okay?"

"...Nothing's flashing into my head, at least."

"That's good."

Chisato grabs the bedsheets around Hina's sprawled-out hair. Even now, she's still panting, craving, thirsting. Those eyes are like a nectar, flushing out the poison in her body. "It's bothered me for years. Why do I want you so much?"

"Huh? Because we love each other, obviously~."

"...I know that, you fool. But..." 

A sigh. She leans down, rides on instinct and rests a hand on the fabric of Hina's shirt, right below the breasts. It makes Hina breathe a bit faster than normal - a subtlety Chisato can only pick up on because she's spent so much time in her life lately, being this close, fixating on everything Hina does. 

"...Why do I want you like _this?_ "

"Maybe I'm just that tasty~."

"Maybe so. But I can't even tell if it's me who wants you."

"Eh? You're the only one touching me here. Who else could it be but you?"

...There's no easy response to that.

Years of glancing at the posts which lust for people in the most inhumane way. The couple of fans she's had to deal with who acted far too inappropriate - and even one producer, before he was fired by the rest of the team. The scant knowledge she has of the people out there who fantasise about her band, and how those people have wormed themselves into her head, never to leave.

"Hmmm..."

They're nothing but a nuisance nowadays. But it makes her wonder... does she truly have her own desires? Or is her rabid behaviour just a side-effect of seeing all those monsters? Maybe it's her attempt to imitate them, because their rancid form of desire was the most memorable. Maybe it's her attempt to appease them, by performing in a way she knows would excite them. It's a subtle little insect that makes her stomach crawl.

And she can't easily explain that to Hina-

"...How about we just give it a try☆?"

She looks up. "What?"

"Let's have sex," Hina says. "If you wanna know whether you really want it or not, that's the best way to check. And if turns out you don't, we won't ever need to do this again. How's that sound?"

'Finally, an excuse.'

That's the first thought that jumps into her head.

...

...Hah.

Hah!

"Eh? What's up? Why're you laughing☆?"

Unbelievable.

She almost wants to call herself slovenly, like a wealthy businessman would. There's always been that one little part of her, insulting herself in shame for being this thirsty - wrapped up in all the fear, dread and doubt it always has been, and probably always will be.

But it's not enough to stop her anymore. God, she feels powerful... she feels alive. She stares at Hina with an excited grin, and her body roars. What could she do to Hina? What could Hina do to her? There's so many exhilarating possibilities, once you've been with someone for so long. That's how it feels to be so close to someone. That's how it feels to _want_ someone.

"Ch-Chisato?"

Of course it's her who wants this! She's been wanting to break out all this time. And of course, once again, it's Hina who ends up taking that desire of hers and giving it the last nudge forward it needs.

That's one of the countless reasons she fell in love to begin with. 

The reservations crumble. Chisato grins, impatiently throws her bathrobe off and grabs Hina's chin. "Let's do it. Go and wash your hands."

Hina immediately blushes before rushing off. "Boppin~!" Whoosh. "...Aaaand done. Ready for anything~!"

"Hina. We are NOT going to get an infection."

"Darn~! ...Joking, joking." Hina winks. "Don't worry, I'll wash 'em for real!"

"...You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

Hina's true to her word this time. She's actually much better at safety rules than people might expect - clear communication goes a long way compared to emotional cues. It's just that she's also a demon of a girlfriend who takes any opportunity she can to wind Chisato up. "Ready?" Once she cannonballs back onto the bed- god, she's wasting no time pulling her in. "I know I am. I couldn't feel more boppin' if I tried~."

"Then kiss me already."

"You sure~?"

"Yes! I already said I-" 

Argh! Not again! 

God, she can't stop smiling. "Alright then, you naughty little fiend - I'll do it myself."

Finally, she presses her lips down. Hina returns the affection immediately, tumbling into a full makeout within seconds.

She can't tell how frenzied she is now - she wants it, she wants it, **she wants it.** Everything else can go to hell. Damn all the fucking voices in her head that expected obedience - they can scream as loud as they want, but they'll never outhunger HER. Her lips are drinking Hina up and putting them all to shame, without them EVER knowing it - and they'll only ever be able to _dream_ of being as moral about it as she is. **Nothing can stop her, right now, from what she's doing to Hina - every noise she's bringing out, every nerve she's making jump in anticipation as she digs a hand beneath Hina's shirt and carouses as she pleases, they're experiences only the two of them can have...**

"...m-mm...!"

She moans. T-that's... that's Hina's hand on her bare chest. 

Hina's feeling her body. Hina has a complete view of everything she is.

"Do you like that☆?"

"...More. Give me more."

Hina giggles in a way that sends shivers down her spine - she can't help but gigle back when Hina takes her wrist and pins her down to the bed, other hand reaching up to her breasts again and-

"A-ah~..."

H-holy shit. How long has she been craving this...? "You're really sensitive today." Hina whispers, caramel in her ears. "I could feel any part of you and you'd react~."

"I..." She moans, "You have no idea... how long I've wanted this... mm...!"

Even the finger brushing her thigh is enough to make her wet. "It's fun, isn't it?"

"You..."

Hina's stare. Hina's expression. The sheer, quiet delight, plain on Hina's face - it's going to drive her up the wall. Who gave the devil permission to be this pretty?

"You... Hina, I've wanted to do this with you for so long."

She hears a giggle as she gets up, pulling Hina's loose shirt down the shoulders.

"I've wanted to see how you'd react to this..."

She bites. Hina uncontrollably moans.

"...and this..."

"A-ah~..."

Another, and another. "I want to see every expression you make..."

She moves the strap of Hina's bra aside with her teeth and sinks in again. "Ahn~..."

"And this..."

A kiss.

"And this..."

Another. "Ch-Chisato..."

She looks up. "How does it feel?"

Hina's completely red in the face - her grin couldn't be any wider. "Hehe. I've dreamt about this, y'know. I've masturbated to the thought of it when nobody's around."

"What a coincidence. So have I."

Another bite. "A-ah~...!"

"I... I want more, and more..." Chisato murmurs, barely, between everything she's trying to do, "I want more... mm~!" 

The second Hina puts a hand on her thigh again, she falls right back down on the bed and takes Hina down with her. Strands of falling turquoise illuminate the eyes of the person she loves more than anything. When she sees the person who's stayed by her side for so long, marching through their fatigued careers with that lackadaisical grin and bubbly demeanor the entire way, her thoughts race. The lust feels so _real_ to her that she's shocked it can even exist. She never thought she'd be able to do this... and yet... she's taking that step, right now! 

"More..."

"I'm not going anywhere, you know. Not when I'm like this," Hina sings. "What next?"

"...I want _you._ "

Hina happily obliges. She gently moves one of Chisato's legs aside, humming all the way, until she can gaze at how wet Chisato is with an enchanted smile on her face. 

Her hand's going to move closer.

It's going to go inside.

Just like she dreamed of. Finally.

"You're sure you want this?"

Chisato nods, cutting the strings. "I'm sick of holding myself back," she says. "Every part of me will be me. There's no room for pretenders."

"Then..."

Hina lies on top of her and winks.

"...It's gonna be boppin' to see the faces you make~."

"A-ah!"

It's in

It's in, just barely, it's starting,

She's red, she's scarlet. She's hotter than an oven. Should she be embarrassed? That the lightest touch is making her react like this? M-maybe she's just ashamed that she held it back for so long... "A-ah... Hina~..."

"Your expressions're the best, Chisato~."

The whisper validates her further, makes her squirm even more, tightening her grip on Hina's back- "Ahhh!"

"Fhmm-hmhm☆."

"A-ah..."

She's already failing to care about anything else. She just wants MORE... m-more, please, more! "It's just one finger, Chisato~..."

"Don't giggle like that...!"

"Why? Because you're gonna love it even more if I do?"

"F-fine. Giggle all you w-" She takes a sharp breath. "...aaahh...!"

"You can relax... I'm figuring this out pretty quickly~."

"Do it more..."

Her moans start to get louder, it starts to get better - Hina's being so slow, so deliberately gradual... she's dragging it out so Chisato has as much time as she could possibly want to relish how _good_ it feels - the sheer catharsis of getting to do it, the sheer joy of thinking about nothing but Hina and what Hina's doing to her... Hina...

Hina...

She bites Hina. "A-ah!"

"Hina..."

She sinks into Hina's neck again. "Y-you're only making me want to do more, y'know~?"

"Th-that's..." She lets go, "...exactly my intention..." and then bites into Hina again, getting another delightful moan for her effort.

"Ch-Chisato..."

"Hina... I need you..."

Hina chuckles in-between gasps for air. "I'm right here~."

And then she goes faster. "A-ah♡...!"

It's the best. Hina slips one finger between the folds, then two, exploring everywhere she can, seeing what gives off the best reactions. It's everything Chisato thirsted for, all occurring within seconds of each other - Chisato can drink it all up, let it keep flowing out, and the best part is that it makes it even easier for Hina to flood her more. It's the best~... it's... it's...

"Ah... ah~~..."

"What if I went... here♡?"

"A-ah...!"

Fuck, more, she wants more, she wants MORE-

"Ahhhh♡♡!"

There's music in her ears. "Can I hear that moan again~?"

"Y-you're a demon♡..."

"Look who's-" Hina gasps as Chisato bites her again, "t-talking♡..."

The smile's bright on her face as she collapses onto the cushion and reaches out. "Stay inside me. Don't stop until I forget everything but you."

"That's... easy..." Hina leans down. "There's no way I could think about anything else right now~."

Chisato kisses her, spurring her to go faster, and faster, and faster♡... more, and more, and more, and more, and more♡♡♡... more, and more, and more, it's just Hina, and Hina, and Hina, and Hina♡... 

"...Hina... I... I love you...!"

"I love you too, Chisato♡."

Hina pecks her on the cheek and lets her moan as loud as she wants, as heaven washes over. "A-ah..... mmmm-ahhhhHHhh~~~♡!"

"...More."

"...Hehe. You wanna go again?"

"One more time..."

"Sounds fun~."

Chisato gets to howl twice over.

Hina was true to her word, alright - she made her forget everything. After riding it out for the second time, all Chisato can do for a minute or two is try to get her breath back.

The stiffness is something she'll get used to, mark her words. But for now... 

"Ah~..."

...? That's... that's Hina making that noise, isn't it?

Chisato opens her eyes, and-

"O-oh."

Instantly, her face goes red. 

Hina's licking her own fingers for any flavour of Chisato left, until all the stickiness is swallowed down. "Mmm~... enjoying the view?"

"Please, don't mind me."

"Ahaha. You seem pretty awake despite all that!"

"It's strange. I... I feel light. Stiff, yes, but... I imagined I'd be too exhausted to speak..."

"Well, you were for a minute. You did orgasm twice~."

...

...

"...Pffft."

Hina's sensual face dissipates into confusion. "What's up?"

"Pffthaha... ahahaha!"

God, it's blissful. This is the lightest and freest Chisato's felt in years. The happiness just flows out, without her needing to do anything.

"I-it's just... I'm a little worried about my image. If I'm horny enough to move after all this, what does that say about me?"

"Well~, it's not like anyone else needs to kn-" Hina stops. "Hey... you're crying."

"I am."

A finger brushes the tear rolling down her cheek. "Why? Did you not like it?"

"I loved it." Slowly, Chisato rests her hand on Hina's hair. "It's just... I never thought I'd be able to do this. I-I just assumed... that I wouldn't have some kind of drive to enjoy. I thought it was lost to me after everything I'd seen. And I know I wouldn't have been 'broken' for being that way, but... I really did want this, deep down. That's why I'm happy. Thank you, Hina," she says. "I love you."

"...Ehehe!" Hina kisses her again. "I love you too. I think you're boppin☆!"

"So I've learnt~." Chisato-

-uh, can't move her legs.

Guess she should've seen that coming. "Um... could you lift me up?"

"Oh~? Is that how you wanna try it next~?"

Chisato sighs. "No, Hina. We're done for now. I would just appreciate it if I could be seated on the edge of the bed."

"I know, I know~."

"Really now. If you're such a mindreader, why do I always have to clarify?"

"Hehehe."

Oh dear. What a menace. That's her girlfriend, alright~. Fortunately, Hina's not the type to actually leave her loved ones to dry (well, usually), so Chisato finds herself seated again in no time - which also gives her the opportunity to put the bathrobe back on. "It feels surreal to say this, but I'm in good spirits tonight."

"Feels surreal to me too. I didn't think we'd actually end up doing it."

"Did you like it?" Chisato asks.

"It was... swooshin'!" Hina gestures. "I... I uh, don't actually have any other words for it."

"Oh my. Not even boppin'?"

"Not even!" Well, that's a first. "Honestly, I kinda assumed this'd never happen. We swish n' snog all the time, but... sex felt like a null zone, you feel me?"

Chisato hopes she never has to hear the phrase 'swish n' snog' in her life again. "I'm grateful you didn't think it'd be a given. That's helped me a lot over the past few years."

"Don't mention it~. Thank Sayo for pestering me with relationship advice constantly."

"Ah. I have the queen of chastity on my side, I see."

"Pffft!"

The giggle's infectious. "Still, I don't think you ever ignored my feelings," Chisato says. "So thank you for that. I hope you don't mind the sudden switch."

"Sudden? Feels more like it was gradual to me, with how often you'd masturbate in the bath~!"

Wh-

How-

-Shit. She was NOT subtle. "I-I..."

"Ahahahaha☆! That's a great face~!"

"...Let me get this straight. You knew I was horny over you in private, but you never thought I'd actually try to have sex with you?"

"Life's funny like that, isn't it?"

"Pffft." She looks up. "I suppose it is."

For a moment, they simply rest their heads together, staring at the starry sky. It's a deep blue outside tonight... a sea for their eyes to wander in. It makes the soft, lamp-litten bedroom feel like a comfortable cove. She's holding a calm and serene Hina in her arm, enjoying the view... thinking about nothing else. Letting her guard down, knowing that nobody can jump on it. Knowing that this moment is meant just for the two of them.

If she were to be pessimistic, she'd say tonight feels like one last hurrah in her life before it devolves back into a struggle. But she's had a more optimistic outlook lately. "How about we celebrate?"

Hina blinks. "Celebrate... having sex?"

"I don't have any intention of this being a one-time occurrence, you know." Chisato smirks. "I want more than that."

"...For real☆☆?!?!"

She's like an excited puppy, isn't she? "Why, of course~," Chisato responds. "I've bottled my desires up for years. If I put the cap back on right away, I think I'd go insane."

"Woohoo! I get to have more sex with my girlfriend!"

"Y-you'll break the bed bouncing around like that..." Well, so she says, but seeing Hina like this is making her heart sing. "But yes. Much to my chagrin, I've always been eager to dig into you."

"No need for chagrins! It's normal to be horny~." 

Indeed it is. That's the best gift she's received tonight.

"So, what're we gonna do to celebrate? And when?"

"I was thinking tomorrow evening."

"...Ehhhhh??" Hina pouts. "No fair! You always reject my Sunday evening date ideas!"

"That's because Monday's a work day. We need to sleep on time."

"What, and this Sunday's different?"

Teasing Hina really is the best. "I think this is a special enough occasion, don't you~?"

"No fair, no fair~!" The two of them laugh as Hina jumps in for a hug. "Fine, I guess I'll let it slide~. What'd you have in mind?"

"A fancy dinner."

"Oooo, where?"

"At home. There's something I'd very much like to try."

"...Eh? After all the posh stuff you always have?" Hina tilts her head. "What is it, what is it? What do you wanna eat~?"

"I'm surprised. I thought I was being obvious."

Chisato leans forward, rests her hands on Hina's thighs and smiles. She moves them just the slightest bit apart as she whispers her desire...

"It's you~."

...The starstruck grin she gets is already worth it.


End file.
